my space tracker

Hope Forward: Surviving and Thriving through Emotional Pain: October 2017

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Parts and Parts and Rules of Three....

"I want to feel better more than I want to get angry"
"I am living with the pain, but not so much in it anymore"

Two things I heard this past week that I thought were worth noting.  And of course, easier said than done, and sometimes getting there takes some time and some emotional storytelling and some unpacking of pain, ideas and desires.  But perhaps we do have a choice.  Even if we can't flip the switch right away.

Just honoring the different parts of ourselves, just knowing they exist, and not judging them, can go a long way.  There are always different parts, different ideas, different feelings inside of us that are competing for our attention.  Our need to be heard, to be understood, to be loved, to be taken care of, to be a good partner, to be generous, to feel good about our choices, to feel safe, to please others, to do the right thing, to get satisfaction, pleasure, sex, care, respect, love. 

Sometimes they shift back and forth in seconds.  And when we talk or act or decide while there is a lot of shifting going on inside of us, we can do some damage.  When we can wait it out and let all of our parts have their say, and then see, see what really we need, what we are really voting for, what effect we really want to have, if we can, then we can prioritize and honor ourselves and move forward  better.

The more we know when our parts are popping around trying to be heard and trying to protect us, the more we can slow down.  Just knowing it helps.  Then the insights will come.  And we will better be able to decide.  When we keep in mind that when we are feeling too much or not enough... that's when we should try not to talk, act or decide.  (My Rule of Three).   We can discuss things with someone we trust, but we hold back from saying things on the fly to whomever we are in distress with or about.  And we don't take any action of any kind or make any decisions.  We just keep drawing back to the other rule of three.  When we feel revved up - we wait three:  three minutes, three hours, three days... whatever we need to do to not act on our feelings in the heat of a moment.  And to honor them and ourselves by allowing ourselves to have all of our feelings and letting them run through us without judging them. 

Just knowing, just drawing back to these ideas can change our choices, and our choices can change us and change our realities.  We are not as alone as we sometimes think we are.