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Hope Forward: Surviving and Thriving through Emotional Pain: It Was A Mistake. Please Disregard

Monday, June 14, 2010

It Was A Mistake. Please Disregard

Yesterday I got a letter from someone that completely did not make sense to me. I puzzled over it for a while, thinking that it must be a mistake, sent to me in error. It bothered me though, and I was conjuring up all sorts of scenarios in my head to explain it. Today I got another letter from the same sender saying, "The letter dated June 3, 2010 was a mistake. Please disregard."

Okay. Please disregard? That's it?

Could it really be that simple? No apology even. Just acknowledging the mistake and moving on.
If only it were always that simple.

Seems to me that sometimes maybe it can be. Certainly if we are hurt, or have hurt someone, the aftershocks can last a while. Sometimes we do have to talk it through, to study what happened, to make amends.

Some of us are prone to ruminating over mistakes to a point of despair. We are conditioned to rake over and over in our mind what we did, why we did it. And usually that's followed by a lot of self condemnation. Sometimes to the point of hurting ourselves. If we are frustrated with ourselves, we may think we are worthy of punishment, not grace.

Some of us are prone to wanting to punish others to the point of despair. To the point of permanently damaging the relationship. Of course we may choose not to stay in situations that continue to put us in harms way. And of course its a natural feeling to want to punish people that frustrate or hurt us, but perhaps there is a stopping point.

I am, of course, the biggest fan of talking things through. Of being understood, understanding one's self and others. I like to analyze things. I am in the right profession. I also think that sometimes we have the idea that prolonged agony will protect us from future harm, at our own, or others hands. And I think we might be well served to rethink this.

I know its often easier said than done, and that there are good reasons for this within each of our psyches, but I also think that there are times when keeping things simple has its merits.


The Celiac Diva said...

Great Post!!

Melissa Groman, LCSW said...

Hey Celiac Diva,
Thanks for stopping by....and I checked out your new site...its really the videos!!!!!

Shen said...

This makes me think of what I have learned through going to CoDA - if something is bothering me it is good and right for me to tell the person involved that I am bothered. I can't know what someone else is thinking unless I ask them. I can invent all kinds of things, but none of them can be confirmed as truth until I ask.

So - I am doing that more in my daily life. If I am bothered by someone I tell them. If I question something, I ask about it, if I am angry I don't just behave in an angry way, I go to the person and say "I'm angry and this is why".
It's not always easy, but it really does make me feel better.

great post.