If you are grappling with grief, or frustration or anger, are you talking about it? Writing about it? Taking the time to honor it, feel it and tend to it? Are you able to take in good feelings as well, or do the bad feelings steal everything?
Recently, I was discussing with a group of healers whether its better to think yourself into acting or act yourself into thinking. Which is the quickest route to relief when you are hurting or trying to change something that is no longer serving you well? It was a lively debate, and the bottom line was: both. Depends on the situation, on your unconscious mind, on the severity of the pain. But either way, it was agreed that being curious about your feelings and feeling them, and studying them with compassion, is the bottom line below the bottom line. It's the treat behind the trick.
Whatever path you take toward working on your stuff, on your relationship with yourself and others, on feeling better, or having more, its best done with curiosity and compassion. Many folks, when in emotional pain are so prone to self attack, to giving themselves a hard time for feeling what they feel, that they stay stuck in the feeling just by trying not to feel it. And they beat themselves up for that too. And sometimes, underneath all the struggling is the quiet whisper of "It must be me." Meaning that even when things are going haywire, and people around us are acting like goons and goblins, somewhere, many of us think its really our fault somehow.
And there is some truth in this, we usually do have a role in our circumstance somehow. That's not to say that we registered at Macy's for it, lots of times it's unconscious of course. And it's not to say that we are responsible for the behavior of others, but we may play a part, and we do have the ability to take a look at ourselves. Another can-be trick, toward making life better. As long as it comes with the treat of compassion.
It's not aways easy to walk in the door here. My office is nice. The couch is comfy. Its quiet here, and conducive to talking. But still and all, many folks are nervous about it. Even those who've been to therapy before.