Monday, December 2, 2013
Grace and Grief
“Grief, as I read somewhere once, is a lazy Susan. One day it is heavy and underwater, and the next day it spins and stops at loud and rageful, and the next day at wounded keening, and the next day numbness, silence.” ~ Anne Lamott
I just finished Anne Lamott's latest book, Stitches, and wanted to bring you a few quotes; there some more... especially on grief that I will bring you soon as well.
Because we are all, in one way or another, at one time or another, grieving. And sometimes that grief comes in disguise. It shows up as anger or fear or agitation or overwhelm or lethargy or depression. And sometimes even when life is rolling along seeming okay, but our mood is off somehow, grief can be the cause.
What sometimes comes up here in the therapy room is this: the idea that when we have a feeling or reaction that is really big in current time, it is often because it is a re-trauma, or re-experience or reminder of something from our past. Meaning that something can happen in a current relationship, a current job situation, interaction or event of some kind, and we feel it deeply. It certainly has importance in it's own and current time and right, but we may experience it and react to it with more power because of past trauma or past experiences.
It usually helps to know. To shine the light on things a bit because when we can figure it out, we have a better chance of recognizing, healing and living better with the grief. If our past is still effecting the way we respond in the present, then it's shaping our future.
So that's where grace comes in. When we allow ourselves all of our feelings, and let ourselves be curious and studious about whether they are old ones or new ones or some of both. And then we can be open to grace, for ourselves and others.