April: Memory and Desire

“April is the cruelest month, breeding
lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
memory and desire, stirring
dull roots with spring rain.”
― T.S. Eliot, The Waste Land    

It's almost the end of April and in the Northeast we are slowly inching toward better weather.  It is, I think, finally, getting warm.

The sunshine and good weather are definitely good news especially for those who suffer from seasonal affective disorder, depression, and anxiety.  The ability to step outside and tilt one's face toward the sun, absorb some Vitamin D and take deep breaths of fresh air can go a long way toward lifting moods and calming fears.

When I read this poem from T.S. Elliot I am moved by how much it conveys some truths of emotional pain.  Especially grief and longing.  The blending of remembering what was, or what was lost, or even the fantasy of what was, or what was lost, and longing for those good feelings, or that person, or for emotional relief and contentment to trump the hurting.

We are resilient.  It may not always feel like it, but I believe it's true.  Sometimes we need a lot of soul searching, a lot of talking, a lot nurturing and some rigorous but gentle honesty about what we really need, how we are behaving, what we hope for, expect and desire.  And we can't always push the process, move the months, the way we might like to, but relief comes, progress happens, I believe.  Things open up when you keep looking.