Monday, April 13, 2015
Don't Ask - Don't Tell
And similarly, why bother to ask about ourselves, or about others, or about how to work with our minds?
In my office I hear a lot of pain. I hear a lot of fear. And urgency. And more fear. Fear of not getting what we want. Or what we think we want. Fear of having things we don't want. Fear of not being good enough, happy enough, satisfied enough, loved enough, lovable enough. Fear of making wrong decisions, or of being left out or missing out.
So lots of times we don't even ask. We function in ways that seem to be what we need, but somehow, don't actually move us forward. We stay safe, and somewhat asleep to what thoughts are repeating, what ideas are guiding us, what notions keep us stuck.
We think that if we ask, if we look, we will have to do more, know more, figure out more. We think we will be told things we don't agree with, or that will keep us from getting what we believe we have to have.
I have seen this played out in a thousand ways:
Pursuing a partner to the point of pushing him/her away.
Pursing money to the point of losing a job.
Pursing a point to the point alienating someone, or sabotaging a relationship or job.
Pursing relief externally to the point of addiction, compulsion, danger to one's self or others.
And the opposite:
Ignoring what someone tells us they feel, need or are effected by to the point of damaging a relationship
Ignoring that quiet, innately healthy voice that we hear whispers of, when we are quiet.
Ignoring good advice, good sense, good wisdom to the point of destruction or loss.
It's hard to ask. It's hard to get curious about our behavior, our minds, how to work with our minds. We are afraid. And it takes a bit of time, a bit of talking, to clear the path and come to what works for us, uniquely, individually, and instinctively.
But when we are willing to ask, we are on the way, and that in itself is something.